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April 04

Why can't I change?
"I don't understand what I do. I don't do what I want to do.
Instead, I do what I hate to do."
Romans 7:14 New International Readers' Version
 

That about sums it up. We do desire to do well. Many of us have at some point in our lives made a commitment to improve our lives. We have set out to change. However we have failed miserably. It appears that we either have no self control at all or that every time we think "I'm doing well now" something else about our nature comes to the fore front and we feel lost and hopeless to ever be the person we want to be.

 

What good can it be to try so hard, if I’m incapable of doing well? I just can’t change who I am so I better get used to myself and learn to be OK with me; besides, everyone else is doing worse stuff. What I do isn’t really that bad….”

 

Is this a road you have been down? It leads in one of two directions. The first is to become judgmental of everyone else, because their actions now have become the standard by which you measure your life. The second is to become angry at God because if He really loved you, He would help you somehow. You may even secretly wonder if He’s punishing you for your inability to live up to His standards.

 

There is a third path. This is the path of honesty. Admit you are helpless. Accept defeat. Acknowledge Divinity and settle into His arms of love for the blessings He has so long desired to give to you. You know He has been there all along, patiently waiting for you with open arms of love.

 

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives and he who seeks finds and to him who knocks, it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him! Matthew 7: 7-11 King James Version

 

Don’t stop asking for God to answer. You will never have full understanding of your own soul. God will take you to greater heights to see a broader view as quickly as you are able to climb. Stand still when you hear nothing and wait. Silence always precedes greatness. God is preparing you for something that requires your total reliance on Him, rather than your own abilities. He must wait for you to stop trying and sit still, humbly emptying yourself and listening.

 

Don’t climb with your own strength. Every invitation to rise up requires that we choose to climb. However if we muster up our strength and excitement and good intentions and start climbing, we are sure to fail. How quickly we forget our human frailty. We don’t want to admit how wretchedly helpless we are and we will not until we have given up on ourselves.

 

We must be at our wit’s end to ask for God to change our hearts. As long as there is any strength in us, we will either fight to prove that there is no need of Him or fight to prove that we can please Him.

 

For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? I thank God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin. Romans 7:21-25 New King James Version

 

There is only one answer. It is Jesus Christ. He must stand in our place. He must live in our hearts. We must bow down to His majesty entirely and despite any outward indications of His presence and void of any external blessings, choose to wait for His direction. It sounds so simple. Why is it so hard? Because there are things we do not want to hand over to Him. There are things we don’t believe we can hand over to Him. That’s OK. He knows already. Just ask Him to take care of it and wait for the blessing. We will be astonished at what He does! We will wonder why we ever doubted.

 

Fight one battle over and over again and every other battle will be won. Battle to surrender will to Christ. Settle the matter. I am evil. I am not able to do well. Christ is good and loves me despite my wretched condition. I can go to Him, confess again my unworthiness and let Him take over. I will come to this place again. That’s OK. He will be there again. As He takes me higher, darkness will appear exceedingly dark and with it will come deep sorrows but it is only because I am coming closer to His light that darkness in me is revealed.

 

Yes I do that which I do not want to do. Yes, I am helpless to change. Do I then stop trying? Yes! I stop trying because I’m setting myself up for failure. I start believing that the God of the universe loves me just the way I am. He really wants to help me. He’s waiting for me to believe. One step at a time, He will help me to unlearn some bad habits. He will change me from the inside out. He will re-form His image in me. I will get discouraged from time to time because I will try to do it myself again and fail. He will allow me to experience things that will reveal the hidden person deep within me. It will be difficult, but He will never leave my side. Even when I can’t feel Him, still He will be there.

 

The wonderful talents He gave me will be harnessed and redirected with His guidance and in His strength. The person I am capable of being will emerge. I will no longer say, “Why do I do this?” without the answer quickly following. I need to get back to my Lord. Then I will learn to be the person He desires me to be and His peace will fill my heart with joy again!

 

 



12:19 PM GMT  |  Read comments(0)

March 20

Love Is!
Just as He is, love is! "Lead me in Thy truth and teach me: for Thou are the God of my salvation; on Thee do I wait all day. Psalm 25:5
 
Can I have His vision in my heart and yet not be troubled by what I see? Can I ask for wisdom to discern; ask to be a lantern filled by the oil of His Spirit and not feel separated from the ones I love? In my desire to love others more, I seek Him more diligently. Must that lead to sadness? To draw closer to Christ, must I be be pulled farther from those I love? These are hard questions for the one who chooses to follow Christ more closely.
 
Our God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He is no less able to lead us on a difficult path than on an easy one. Although He may be calling you to tread onto a steeper trail than He has in the past, His wisdom, truth, love and kindness are no less available on higher ground than they were on safer heights. Trust in His promises to "deliver from all evil" (your own lack of faith and hardness of heart) and to answer even the hardest questions. Trust that the same love, kindness, patience and wisdom He has used to light your way and bring you to where you are. He is able to impart this type of understanding love in you for your loved ones. Don't expect it to come naturally. The natural man does not have this type of love. In this area, as in all others, we are to call upon the Savior to fill our hearts and forgive our unbelief.
 
If God is calling you to follow on more closely with Him, you will experience separation and loneliness at times. Draw closer to your Savior and "ask and you shall receive. Seek and you shall find. Knock and the door shall be opened." He will not take you anywhere that is too hard for you. Did you ask to be a witness and a light? First you must be able to have in your heart His spirit of love for all mankind. Without His perfect love within your heart, you will be of no use to Him.
 
"Fear not, for I am with thee and will bless thee" Genesis 26:24
 
It is wisdom that brings you this fear. You know you are not able, of your own accord to love the way the Savior does. But fear not, He will supply in you, that which you lack. Confess your lack of faith and hardness of heart and ask of Him, the love that only He can give you. This is the love that "Seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil" I Corinthians 13:5 This is the love that seeketh the will of our loving Father that is in heaven. The words He gives you will not always be easy ones. Many will expose to you your own hardness of heart. Others will require of you a seemingly stern message that you would prefer not to deliver. Be sure that the same Savior that has forgiven your every transgression by His sacrifice will fill you with wisdom and grace for every step of the path that He leads you down and will keep your heart in check if you continue on, close by His side!
 
Study I Corinthians 13 with prayers that the Holy Spirit will illuminate your heart and prepare it for every task that is set before you! He is able!
 
"Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls" Matthew 11:29


6:21 AM GMT  |  Read comments(0)

March 18

Thankful for Jasper and Jolt
Today I felt sad. My husband and kids are away and I sit alone but my cute little poodle senses my sadness and licks my hand to show his love. I'm grateful for the love God sends us in our pets and in all of His creation. It is a beautiful day and the birds are singing. The first flowers of spring are in bloom. It was a harsh winter but the spring brings thoughts of happy summer days to come. Beach days, picnics in the park, family cookouts and time with my step-kids here as one big happy family, making memories we will cherish for a lifetime are things I look forward to.
 
I have two dogs, Jasper, my chow and my toy poodle, Jolt. Jasper is stately and well behaved. He is calm and obedient. Jolt is hyper, yappy and sometimes very naughty, but he is so sorry when he gets caught that it's hard to stay angry at him. They both greet me each time I arrive home. Jasper with his big deep, loving eyes and low controlled bark, saying, "OK, I did my job and watched the house while you were gone, now I'm ready to come in for my treat and rest happily in the kitchen.  Jolt, on the other hand greets me jumping and licking and nibbling at my hand, then running back and forth across the house in uncontrolled excitement as if to say, "Your home, your home! I'm soooo happy to see you again! I missed you soooo much!"
 
They both bring me and all of my family joy! Thank you today, Father for dogs, especially Jasper and Jolt!


9:45 AM GMT  |  Read comments(0)

May 21

"I will praise thee: for I am fearfully and wonderfully made" Psalms 139:14

 

God is first and last in everything in my life.  His gifts have made me what I am.  His love and patience preserve me.  His light shines for me brightly in my darkest nights and His promises give me hope and inspiration.  Without Him, I am nothing!

 

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We all possess power to choose.  I have chosen to develop the habit of Praise!  In doing so, I am learning some interesting things.

 

When faced with an obstacle, if I praise God one of the following happens.

  1. God delivers me miraculously.
  2. God nudges me forward into places of which I am fearful.
  3. God impresses me that I am not where He wants me to be.

 

When enjoying the blessings of life, if I praise God:

  1. My self-confidence increases as I realize how much my Creator loves me.
  2. I realize that everything I am is because of Him and I become more of the person I desire to be!
  3. My worries and fears melt away.  I am important to the God of the universe.  He cares about me!

 

I asked my children to start a “Grateful” Journal as a home-school project.  This blog is the beginning of …

 

“My Grateful Journal”
 
Entry 1
I am grateful for all the "things" & abilities that I am blessed with.  It is so easy to take things for granted or let the burdens and worries of this imperfect world outweigh them.  Right this minute I can think of SOOOO many blessings I enjoy and sometimes I have to MAKE myself focus on those blessings.  So here is a list:
 
1. Supportive, loving, listening, encouraging husband
2. Children who are beautiful inside & out! (that includes my step-kids too)
3. Comfortable home that was not so comfortable in the past
4. Skill & job at a time when many are unemployed
5. Physical ability, strength & knowledge to improve my health despite obstacles I have encountered. (fibromyalgia, arthritis)
 
All of these things could be taken for granted.  I have been worried about finances and have apparently forgotten my years as a single parent with 8 kids. How I could ever worry at all is a mystery.  God kept us alive and fed in our broken down house with holes in the floors and walls, a well that was dry more months than it gave water, grass to our shoulders and no lawn mower, no money for...well anything, no heater, just a woodstove, no TV, never knowing where the next dollar would come from or how long my strength would hold on.  Nevertheless, God not only "kept us" He sent many blessings to preserve us.  He even gave me a job that eventually allowed me to re-finance the house and get a new well, siding, two nice bathrooms, a REAL kitchen where the random cabinets and pieces of counter top used to be, carpet on the floors, new windows.  Over the 10 years of struggling, he also blessed us through family members & friends with a heating system & a riding mower.  The church school always made a way to educate my kids and the Pastor threw food in the back of my van while I was inside picking them up many times.  It took years to find a job that supplied our needs and I am so grateful that I did, but then my job began to get shaky & my health gave out all together.  God had not forgotten me, He just had other plans.  I had struggled long enough and it was then that God sent Brian (my new husband) to love me and bless our family in more ways than I can begin to count.
 
We have been struggling financially lately and I have let it affect me.  However, when I start to count my blessings and see how many I truly have, I feel ashamed that I even wavered and worried at all!  God has more than proved His ability and desire to take care of my family.  It is important for me to see the difference between God keeping us safe despite our troubles, and God keeping trouble out of our lives all together. Honestly, if I never had any troubles, how would I know God delivers?  If life were a bowl of peaches, would I KNOW how much God loves me?  God, by His grace delivers me from many of the troubles I bring on myself.  I can say first hand, "he (or she) who is forgiven much, loves much!" (Read Luke 7:47) This has burned into my heart the truth that God loves me despite my shortcomings and that I can not earn His grace, nor will I ever deserve it.  It humbles me while it comforts me.  I am what I am because of God and His love for me.  If I fail, or more accurately, when I fail, HE will not.  His love will not.  His forgiveness will not.  His blessings will not!
 
I remember one of my difficult single mom days.  One morning I was desperate for a babysitter for my youngest child.  On the way to drop the kids at school I was lamenting aloud and my oldest daughter said, "Mom, you always tell us to trust God.  We may not have what we want, but we DO always have what we need.  God will work this out too. Stop worrying.  He gave you work. He'll take care of it if He wants you to go today!"
 
I felt grateful that I had raised my child to trust God and felt equally ashamed to have wavered in my own faith.  A few minutes later, one of my sons called to say he could watch little Abby while I worked.
 
Another time, when money was more plentiful, I had received a GOOD bonus at work that I thought we would enjoy.  As fate would have it, my car broke down.  I was complaining that the bonus was going to have to pay for repairs.  My daughter Debi reminded me that if I did not get the bonus, I would not have had the money for the repairs.  God was ahead of the game.  Again, I felt joy for having trained my kids to see the cup filled and overflowing by God's grace rather than look at what was spilled on the floor.
 
I can honestly say, I understand why the Bible says about a woman's children will rise up and bless her.  I have been blessed so many times by my children.  Sometimes it was by the faith that I had taught them and other times by receiving an honest assessment that I needed from them.
 
Now God has blessed me with a husband that not only works hard to support us but more importantly, has taken on the job of step-dad with joy and commitment beyond what I could have ever asked or imagined.  My teenage daughter told me recently, "There's no "step" about it. He's a dad!"  He loves and cares for my children with his whole heart just as he does his own kids!
 
So as my faith is tested in life, and that WILL happen, I have only to remember what God has done for me in the past and just how blessed I really am!
 
Entry 2
I am grateful that God IS to be counted on, in every situation!
 
When I assess difficult circumstances without God added into it, it appears hopeless.  The best outcome COULD happen, but what if the worst does?  The well-known "Murphy's law" approach takes over; anything that can go wrong will!
 
If God is NOT counted into the possible outcomes, then we are all in deep trouble.  Even the best outcome is just one more risk without God.  My former job supplied my needs and improved my financial situation to the point that I was able to fix up my old house.  If I never had the job, I would not have had the blessings that came with it.  But if I don't believe that God engineers our circumstances or even allows trouble to ever come into our lives, then instead of being grateful for the past job, I would be lamenting for not having it now!
 
How many times do we look at our situation, rather than our Savior?  How different everything is when God is counted into the equation.
 
I am determined.  I want to do well.  I love to see God's blessings in my life, but I would really like to be doing the blessing too!  So when God tells me to wait, or tells me nothing at all, I get sulky and begin to gripe.  Why is God not telling me what to do?  Why is God not opening any doors?  My situation is impossible!
 
Yes, it is impossible for me.  However, with God ALL things are possible.  All things (good and bad) work out for HIS purpose, which obviously is not the same as mine! If I am working toward something and I am not sure if it will be successful, I have two options.  Worry, or trust God.  Even if I do not see what the purpose of my situation is, does that mean He did not lead?  We have all heard the stories of someone losing the car keys when they needed to catch a plane, only to find out that the plane they missed, crashed.  Although the outcomes of our situations may not be so dramatic, if we put God first and daily ask for His leading, we can be sure that He'll take care of the rest! 
 
I believe that if God ISN'T making it clear, if He is seemingly not answering us, we can rest assured something important is happening in our lives.  Has He told us what to do, and we are doing it, but saying, "are you sure?"  Are we are not doing what He told us?  Sometimes we just want too much information.
 
As a trainer, I sometimes tell a client to do something and they say, "NO".  It is actually very rare!  It takes a trainer by surprise when it does happen.  If a client says no, or more frequently, they just gripe, the trainer has to first assess whether or not the client is able to do the exercise or if it's just fear preventing them. Then the trainer will have to find a way to get the client past their fears or worries.  God sometimes leads us to places He knows we need to be.  Unlike the human trainer, when God leads us, He KNOWS what we are capable of and the outcome.  Therefore, He patiently waits for us to stop saying no, as He sends encouragement and help to us.  If we see our obstacles with God in the equation, then it all makes sense.  
 
As I said in my preface to this journal, when God allows an obstacle, He removes it miraculously, pushes us over it, or sends us down a different path.  As long as we keep counting Him in the equation to find the answer, all will be well!
 
I am grateful today that God is SOOOOO PATIENT with me!  I am grateful that despite of the fact, that I forget He is in control, He still loves me!  I am grateful that although I do not know the outcome of my efforts, He knows my heart.  He knows my desire to serve Him and to obey Him.  He loves me totally and WILL deliver me in my troubles rather than out of them!  We do "walk through the valley of the shadow of death" every day on this earth.  This life is not safe.  It is marked with troubles and obstacles. Death is its end.  Without God we would not make it through a day.  Every day that God preserves us, is in His plan and for His purpose.  Our only safety is to see that His hand is in our life always!
 
Thou art with me!  That is ALL I have to remember!


12:16 PM GMT  |  Read comments(0)

June 01

Grateful for The Power Of God To Change Lives
"Son, be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee." Matt 9:2

My heart is grateful for the unbelievable gift I have received – a reprieve from the burdens of guilt.  Without Christ, there is no release from guilt.  With Him, we have the comfort of knowing we ARE forgiven.  Although our mistakes, our shortcomings, our sinful ways may produce scars and regrets in this life, we know that there is one place of safety.  In the arms of our Lord, Jesus we find acceptance despite our human imperfections.  We receive forgiveness despite our unworthiness.  We are instilled with hope and faith in one strong enough to cleanse our stubborn hearts, heal our deep wounds and patiently develop us into His perfect image.

In this life, we seek to improve ourselves daily and this is an honorable pursuit, but without Christ in the midst as the driving force, the comforting encouragement, the light for our path and the strength when we are too weak to overcome, we seek in vain!  “All our righteousness is as filthy rags” Isaiah 64:6

If we have no faith in Christ to save others, perhaps we’ve forgotten what He’s done for us!  Do we not remember the magnitude of the burden of guilt that He lifted from our soul at the moment we accepted Him as our Lord and Savior?  Do we take for granted the safety of His love when all others forsake us?  Have we trampled upon the grace we receive in His unconditional acceptance of us and promises to save us to the utmost?

I have inexpressible gratitude for His love, acceptance and, forgiveness. I am mindful of His Spirit within me to lead, guide and strengthen me to fight the good fight of faith.  As I dwell on His amazing gifts to me, I feel strengthened and encouraged that my prayers for those I love are not in vain.  I feel committed to be a light, not that I am able but that He is able to shine through me despite my human frailty.

My eyes must be on Him, not on my fears.  My faith must be in His ability, not on my talents.  My prayers will only be as powerful as my deliverance is!  God forbid, I forget what my Savoir has done for me!  Thank you, Lord, Jesus!  Let me see your Spirit work in the lives of others today!

Kathryn's space's Blog - Windows Live




10:38 AM GMT  |  Read comments(0)

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